Lets talk day
In the honor of Bell #letstalk day. I wanted to share a story about my youngest son. He suffers from anxiety disorder, panic disorder and social anxiety. We are on the waitlist for further diagnosis. He hasn’t been able to attend school since the pandemic happened because along with anxiety he has a phobia of puking. We as parents do our best to make sure he knows us and our home is a safe place.
I wanted to share because I can’t imagine how it would be if he didn’t have us to advocate for him and to provide a safe space for him. Things would definitely be different. So many people including teenagers suffer from mental illness and are unable to advocate for themselves, therefore unable to get help.
Living with Teenagers
I have one adult child and 2 teenagers. I have to have a structured chores list, otherwise nothing gets done in our house. In our home the teenagers put away the dishes, clean the litter, clean their room, do their own laundry and vacuum. It is very helpful for us because we as parents are very busy with work and me in school and working 2 jobs. Sometimes it is a struggle though, having to remind them to do their chores. Sometimes it can be missed for a whole week if me or my husband doesn’t remind them. Don’t even get me started on the dirty dishes. Dishes get done everyday but when the kids clean out their rooms, oh boy that is a whole other load on it’s own. As parents, having to learn to transition from kids to teenagers is tough. Going from little kiddies wanting all of your attention and having to keep them busy to never seeing them because they are just in their rooms or sleeping all day. There is no perfect way of parenting but I doing my best to raise respectful adults. I was very rebellious teenager, so I just grateful they are not where I was at that age.
Lately, school life has been a struggle. Thankfully there are still options of Zoom classes otherwise I would have missed so much work. Also, thankful for having access to all my work online. I know which ones I still need to do and which ones I forgot because guaranteed I forgot something. My kids are teenagers now as I have shared in my previous post. It doesn’t mean they still don’t need me some days. My son is starting a new program to help him get out of the house and that is terrifying not only him but me too. My daughter is in high school and huge transition for us as well. Although she is doing well. There are still some challenges to be had. I am working two part time jobs and going to school full time, another challenge in my life. I am working hard to catch up and be successful with school. Even with my two jobs, it is important to me to put school before them. My kids will always come first though. I want to make sure they are healthy and happy. So for now I am signing off to finish my work. Have a great day and keep smiling.
These past few days, weeks, months, I have been feeling very heavy hearted. On Dec, 27th 2019 my husband tragically lost his older brother(bottom photo) from a hit-and-run. We all got sweaters in memory of him.(In the top photo) His name was Donnell and he loved WuTang and his nickname was Woo-banger-hence-the hoodies. He was also my sister Sarahlynn’s kids father. They were no longer together but she still loved him very much. It was a tough Christmas that year. Then on March 24th, 2021 we unexpectedly lost my sister Sarahlynn to an accidental overdose. She was one of 3 sisters. I was quite close to my brother in law so when he died it hit pretty hard, but when I lost my sister my whole world crumbled to pieces and it felt like it was impossible to pick up the pieces and have a life without her here on earth. I miss them both everyday.
Getting to the end of the first month of 2023, it feels like it is flying by so fast. Our family did enjoy our holidays the best we could. We played games, watched a movie as a family and ate a lot of junk food. As we move into the new month I am already excited for the reading break at school because I feel so much as happened already and it is just getting started. When I first started school back in Sept. I was definitely motivated and ready. Then many obstacles arose and set me back mentally. I felt, I am not ready for school and I was just in the first term still. I fought with my head but I have the most amazing supportive husband. He talked me out of my head and gave me the right words to stay motivated and finish school. So now I am in my 2nd term and even with the workflow and stress, I know I can do it and get through it because I did it once before.
Hmmm when I think Valentines Day I think hmmm just another day. Why should we show our love to each other on this day because its Valentines Day? Well also because I am not into that romantic, surprise me type stuff. I didn’t grow up in a household or family that did stuff like that. So, me and my husband agreed it was just another day. It wasn’t until this year I actually wanted to do something. We didn’t plan anything but we were able to make it out for dinner and drinks. We enjoyed ourselves and made a plan to keep it a tradition. You see the last 15 years of growing up, it wasn’t until last year or maybe longer that I realized what I enjoyed doing, and food is one thing I begin to love. So, when I find a place, I like to turn it into my favorite place. Until next year my thoughts may grow fonder for this day.
The week of reading break! Whoohoo! This is very exciting because we got to go to Las Vegas. We have been trying to go for the past 3 years. Of course, before covid came and shut down the world. Just me and my husband went on this trip because it was long overdue. We had a blast, we didn’t get to do all that we planned to do but we did do things we didn’t think we would do. Such as ziplining in downtown Vegas, it was actually pretty scary, for me anyways. The weather was pretty cold, one day mid week it got up to 19 degrees but it didn’t feel like it. But it was still nice to be away from the 0 degree weather. Not so fun to come home to snow but hey it is Vancouver. I cannot wait until our next adventure and hopefully we can take our daughter next time.
Coming Home after Vegas!
We left our kids home with our oldest son while we went to Vegas. As I mentioned before I have to keep a strict chores schedule. With both of us adults gone I added a few things to the list. My cheeky daughter had to say “oh don’t worry mom, we will get it done” I said not just the day before though. She just laughed at me. While I was gone I did remind them to do things but also some days I couldn’t. I needed to also remind myself that, my kids will get it done for their momma. They had to take care of a whole household by themselves and I needed to trust that they could work as a team and get it done together. We got home extremely exhausted on Friday afternoon. Our place wasn’t destroyed! I was very happy they got it done in time for us to come home, even if it was the day before. I appreciate and love my kids very much.
A Weekly Update
Having teenagers, is so unpredictable. There is no say what our day or week is going to look like. We have so many new things happening, which can be overwhelming but also beneficial. My son that I mentioned in my first post that suffers from anxiety. He met with a therapist quite a few weeks ago and since day 1 she has been amazing. She referred us to other doctors or therapist that could benefit my son because talk therapy is a small factor on what he needs. So about 3 weeks ago he started behavioural therapy I believe it’s called. The worker takes him out 2x a week for basically anything they want but so far they have been just walking which is a major improvement from before so I’ll take it. The other thing for me is to leave it in the hands of my son to take on the responsibility on his own and that is not easy for me. I don’t always fully take over but I like to be a part of it but because I am at school it doesn’t always work that way. So, here’s to new milestones for us all.
Well March has arrived and it is a start to my Birthday Month, Yes I like to celebrate all month. It is also the month when Winter finally ends YAY! I didn’t also have the best experiences with my birthday so I do my best to make it special myself with the help of my husband and kids that is. So far I have planned, dinner with my husband and kids, celebration with my friends, and just trying to keep busy. I don’t have set plans, like I don’t have something for every day or every weekend, I just want to have fun. Here is to another year, Cheers, thanks for dropping by.
Behind My Website Name
Just a little background on why I chose my website name innerbeautifulchild.com. For years I was a damaged young lady living with intergenerational trauma caused by Indian Residential Schools. When my mother was a young child she was forced into Residential schools and for years after she had to live through her traumatic experiences which then led into alcoholism. Therefore, it led into living in a home of abuse and alcoholism. So, when I created my most recent social platform my user name was innerbrokechild because I was going through really hard times trying to overcome my own trauma. I thought it was fitting for me especially when I was in a vulnerable state and shared some deep emotions I was having. Now, almost 15 years later I have done a lot of self-reflection and led to some self-healing. So, when I was able to come up with my own URL for my website, I thought it was fitting, that since I have been changing and creating and healing the hurt, my inner child isn’t so broken anymore and to be able to manifest more healing and that I am beautiful inside and out, regardless of my past because I have to live in the present and not to stay in the past otherwise there is no healing involved. Remember to Love yourself everyday.
Well, the first week of spring break is here for my daughter. First thing my daughter asked me was if we had any plans for spring break. Um, no sadly I still have to go to school. She replies, oh ya! So we did our grocery haul for a couple weeks, which included snacks and foods to cook as well because I know the snacks will not last long. Although I don’t have any plans at the moment during spring break I am hoping we can make it to the aquarium one of these days. The one thing we have been enjoying the last couple of days was going for a late night drive around Stanley Park and down to English Bay and then the kids get ice cream and we head home. I hope to do that more often. If you have children I hope you have a wonderful spring break. Thanks for reading until next time.
End of Spring Break
Well we all got through our two weeks of spring break for the kiddies. I honestly forgot how expensive it is when the kids are home full time, not to mention inflation as well, oh boy. In the beginning of spring break my daughter asked if we were going to be doing anything. I said ahh no I still have school and she said ‘oh yea’ I did manage to get us to the carnival in Coquitlam, even though it rained on us my kids still had fun and we went to the new Shazam movie, great movie by the way, definitely a must see. We did make it out for quite a few night time drives through Stanley Park and English Bay so that was nice. Now to get the kids to sleep, well try to fix their sleeping schedules after staying up late the last two weeks. School tomorrow, this shall be interesting trying to wake them up.
Well it has been 2 years now since my sister passed away unexpectedly, I think about her everyday and wish many things were different. I am trying to learn now instead of beating myself up with the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s I am going to remind myself that my sister is with me and she always supported me and was proud of me, no matter what I did. So, I am going to keep her in my ear, her words of saying I am proud of you and you’re doing great. She always called me a workaholic and most times I was, until she did share with me that it could be a trauma response too, just like an addiction but to keeping busy to shut off those emotions and thoughts. I am moving forward knowing my sister loved me and was always proud of me. RISP sister Sarahlynn ❤️
I am coming to the last bit of schooling after this weekend holy that’s insane to say. Because it feels like that flew by so fast. It felt like I didn’t have time for anything because boom the end of term was here. To be fair the month of March was a blur for me. But this Easter me and my husband spent it in Victoria with my brother and sister (my first cousins). We got to stay with them, which saved money. We haven’t did that in quite a few years, it was such a great weekend. The other reason we did go was because there was a Native Soccer Tournament going on, so we got to watch soccer. This Soccer Tournament has been put on hold for 3 years because of covid but it’s finally back and this year was the 53rd annual tournament. It was so great to see so many friends and family. Even know I still get mega anxiety being around too many people, it still was a great trip. Thanks for reading, signing off.
This whole process of making this website has been a rollercoaster of emotions. At first I was about to quit because I had no idea what I was going to do, or how to start. I had one person show me a few tips and then I was like ok I think I got it. I started my blog and having fun with that, then I had trouble with the process posts. Again, I thought I was never going to understand them, but a couple weeks later I got it and now here I am on my last post for the term. I didn’t follow everything because I like things very simple so, I just used what was available in front of me. I know there could be a lot of different things I could do to make my website more presentable to you, but to me this is how I like it. I had a lot of fun writing on my websites an adding pictures of my family. Sharing how things are going in my family, what we did or what we are going through. Here’s to the end of the term. Have a great day!